Retro Rewatch is an ongoing editorial that takes a look into certain films, conventions, crazes, and characters of the horror genre years after their heyday. It is an effort to try and put the magnifying glass up to the horror world with the much needed luxuries of time and perspective applied in order to fully understand the impact and
social significance of these projects/themes/ideas (if any). So for this installment of Retro Rewatch, I present to you a film that somehow became an irreplaceable piece of my childhood: “Elvira: Mistress of the Dark”.
Personally, I have very fond memories of this film as a young boy (not the way you think, somehow). My two sisters were both older than me and enjoyed renting horror movies every now and again in order to have some good clean fun getting a little bit scared. While I was too young to even be able to exchange money for goods, my sisters introduced me to such films as Poltergeist, True Romance, Pulp Fiction and this week’s entry Elvira: Mistress of the Dark. I was too young to really understand and appreciate the sensual side of Elvira but all the ham fisted old showbiz jokes somehow found their way right up my alley and I desired to try and figure out what she was talking about most of the time. This is one of my fond memories that I’m not entirely sure how I’ve held on to it for so long, but I did nevertheless.
For those of you that don’t know, Elvira: Mistress of the Dark is about the extremely gothic and highly sexualized horror hostess Elvira…
- Literally any reason at all to show this picture is a good one
… Whom quits her job at her local TV station due to the general sleaziness of the owner in order to pursue her dream of having her own show in Las Vegas. As it turns out, her agent already has the show lined up and the hotel/casino has the room ready to go for her, but they want her to co-finance the entire spectacle with 50,000 dollars to show that she is serious. Elvira, with no money gets a telegram (seriously, a telegram) that tells her that her Great Aunt has passed away and left her an inheritance in Massachusetts. As it turns out, Elvira gets left her Great Aunts dilapidated house, a dog nicknamed Gonk, and an old recipe book (book of witch spells).
While conjuring up the spirit of Footloose, the boring townspeople are appalled with the presence of Elvira and try to shoo her out of town any way they could possibly think of while the town’s rebellious teens fall in love with here. The girls love Elvira for her free spirit and her confidence while the boys like her boobs. In retrospect, there is absolutely nothing original about the film at all, but that doesn’t matter. The centerpiece of the film is Elvira and her personality while handling the various situations that become her.
Elvira is a woman in horror that is definitely different than your average scream queen or final girl. It’s clear that Elvira dresses in an extremely evocative manner, but the film actually defies that convention by never showing the goods to the viewer. Elvira herself gets in several situations in the film where sleazy guys see how she dresses and assume that she is easy and of loose morals when she quickly rebuttals and imbues the men using either actual violence or sharply worded put downs. Elvira
is, dare I say a role model to women in horror because of her very strong demeanor and her own set of clearly defined morals and ethics. She is by no means a “good girl” and will use her sexuality to… I don’t know… get all the towns teenage boys to fix up the old home. It’s a funny scenario that plays on men’s inability to think without using their penis, and a beautiful woman who has absolutely no problem with exploiting that.
In addition Elvira spends a lot of her time in the small town with the hunky cinema owner Bob with whom she makes no mistakes about what she wants from him. This leads to some very entertaining moments of awkwardness when Bob stumbles though conversations and scenarios with Elvira, completely missing the fact that she is hitting on him, or being straight up intimidated by her. Elvira’s strength is only proven more in this case where she gets to be the big intimating traditional “male” role and Bob is playing the timid “woman” role. Elvira doesn’t really care about that though, because she is going to get what she wants, and if that takes showing a little bit of neckline, she’ll make it happen without going against who she is.
So, the big question you are probably asking yourself is “Is Elvira a good movie” and the short answer is no. But the movie is a hell of a good time which never really takes itself too seriously and never apologizes for anything. The sets, the story, and the ridiculous scenarios exist to allow Elvira to be who she is in the world where she is the “outsider” and everyone else is normal. That part reminded me a little bit of Edward Scissorhands (which did come out three years later) where the traditional version of the monster actually turns out to be the best thing that ever happened to the town and the seemingly normal town folk turn out to be the evil ones. Being by no means a good movie, it’s a lot of fun and if you appreciate corny jokes, larger than life personas, and a good old fashioned horror time, then this movie is something you should take a look at.
Is it a cult classic, a fitting analysis, or complete forgettable?: This is a cult classic through and through with a niche audience that enjoys both old vaudevillian jokes and busty goth chicks. That niche audience if far too small if you ask me.
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strong ending, Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark did the best thing we can expect from a remake in today’s horror genre. It didn’t suck.
Praise the lord or the demons, which ever it is that has summoned this glorious news. A few months ago it was announced that, god forbid, the Hellraiser remake was going to be aimed at a teen audience, think of a sparkly Pinhead. Actually scratch that, Pinhead doesn’t sparkle he freaking causes pain and pleasure and no one does it better.
